Conflict is a normal and unavoidable part of relationships and we often encounter these types of problems on our therapy sessions. When we talk about a couple, we are referring to two people who share a series of experiences, hobbies, activities, etc., but still maintain their idiosyncrasies and individual characteristics.
A relationship implies that two people, in their eagerness to understand and relate to each other, strive to understand each one’s desires despite their differences and it’s not always easy to do.
The way in which couples resolve their conflicts is an indicator of how healthy a relationship is.
WHAT FACTORS CAN NEGATIVELY AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP?
We can find different factors that can negatively affect relationships. But often, the question is not so much about what those factors are but how we deal with it.
Therefore, we are going to talk about the different factors that can affect a relationship as well as the ways that we can deal with it in order to bring back order again to the relationship.
To begin with, we want to talk about insecurity. Insecurities have to do with the things that we carry within us due to the lack of confidence in oneself or in others. This is the exact opposite of security which is when we trust more freely and have no doubts about ourself or our partner.
Most of the time, part of the insecurity we experience in the relationship has to do with the lack of confidence that we have in ourselves and if we’re not able to learn on ourselves, we can never lean on anyone either.
Jealousy is a person’s normal response to when one or both the couple sees or encounters another person that seems like a threat to the relationship. Often times, this happens because a person thinks that his or her partner is paying more attention to someone outside of the relationship more than the partner themself.
As you can see, jealousy increases the feeling of insecurity of a person because when they think that someone else has their partner’s attention, they become less valuable.
Control happens when a person displays attitudes or behaviours in order to solve their fear of the unknown, they will that they are in control of the situation and they think this feeling can lead to security.
Usually, being in control of a certain situation is seen by other people as something possible but couples who try to control everything in the relationship often end up becoming prisoners of their own control, resulting to infidelity problems.
HOW DO WE ADDRESS THESE ISSUES IN COUPLES THERAPY?
In the first session, the therapist will try to analyze the insecurities that the couple has and observe how these insecurities bring them apart from each other.
It is important that both parties become aware of their individual difficulties and how they can influence the relationship. It is also important for them to see how the relationship that they’ve established may or may not give them insecurities individually and as a coupe.
In the same way, they can analyze what the role of jealousy is (if it appears in the relationship) and what it says about them. This can also teach them how to become better and redirect the attention that they’ve given to someone else towards their partner or the relationship itself.
If they have not been successful in dealing with personal insecurities, it will also be much easier for both parties to accept the other person’s attention and feel valued and loved.
Above all, with couples therapy, we can learn that we have enough resources available to help us cope up with the difficulties and become victorious in the end. Furthermore, those difficulties will no longer seem like a threat for us and we begin to see them as opportunities for growth may it be individually or as a couple